Safety humor

 
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Safety Funnies
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Are you ready 
for the working 
world?

SCROLL DOWN FOR THE ANSWERS 
There is no need to cheat. The questions are
not that difficult. You just need to think like a professional.
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Are you qualified to be a professional?

  1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
    The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door. 
    This question tests whether or not you are doing simple things in a complicated way.
  2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
    Incorrect answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the door.  
    Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator remove the giraffe and put in the elephant and close the door.
    This question tests your foresight. 
  3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
    Correct answer: The elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator! 
    This tests if you are capable of comprehensive thinking.
    OK, if you did not have the last three questions correctly, this one may be your last chance to test your qualifications to be a professional.
  4. There is a river filled with crocodiles. How do you cross it?
    Correct answer: Simply swim through it. All the crocodiles are attending the animal meeting! 
    This question tests your reasoning ability.

So......

  • If you answered four out of four questions correctly, you are a true professional. Wealth and success await you.
  • If you answered three out of four, you have some catching up to do but there's hope for you.
  • If you answered two out of four, consider a career as a hamburger flipper in a fast food joint.
  • If you answered one out of four, try selling some of your organs. It's the only way you will ever make any money.
  • If you answered none correctly, consider a career that does not require any higher mental functions at all, such as law, claims adjusting or safety.

-- TPS

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Let me explain...

This is a bricklayer's accident report, submitted here by safety consultant Marlin Hendry.  It was printed in the newsletter of the Australian equivalent of the Workers' Compensation board. This is a true story of "poor planning".
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"Dear Sir:
 
I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six story building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500 lbs.

Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks.

You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135 lbs.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equal, impressive speed. This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in Section 3 of the accident report form.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. 

Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience a great deal of pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight.

As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building.  In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.

I hope this answers your inquiry."

 

 

 



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